If I tell you this is the last time I will ever talk about this on this site, would you believe me?
Good. Me either.
It is not lost on me that I may or may not have started a category dedicated to all things technology, entertainment, and the like, around the same time a certain little film was being shot in my city.
Yes. Totally. I swear. Bible.
(And what did I tell you to do the next time I said that? Hm? I hope I can count on you to live up to your end of the bargain. I’ll see you in several hours. Several days if you’re coming from any place outside of Ohio which, in that case, I’m not answering the door as I will have forgotten any parts of this conversation. I roll deep in amnesia. Also? I may sic my pug on you. There will be snot. You know. From his sneezing. He’s got allergies. Run now. I SAID RUN NOW.)
I’ve mentioned not being afraid of looking slightly idiotic posing as a tourist in my own city. IT’S CLEVELAND, for crying out loud. Nothing happens here. NOTHING. I don’t care what you say. I don’t care how awesome you thought the Rock Hall was when you visited that one time eight years ago. I don’t care if you saw the FREE stamp. Don’t care. I stand by my previous statement. Aside from assumed bitterness (I’m not. Bitter, I mean. By the way.), would it help if I said I’m trying to multitask my touristy habits with crossing off an item on my bucket list?
See. Apology accepted.
Take a look at the bucket list. Go ahead. I’ll wait. See the one that says Take a photo with a celebrity? Do you? Good. Have I? YOU KNOW I HAVEN’T WHY ARE YOU TRYING TO MAKE ME FEEL BAD I THOUGHT YOU WERE MY FRIEND.
I’m trying but I must be doing something wrong. Just about everyone I work with has had a celebrity sighting. Some have stayed after six to watch scenes being filmed. This may not be common knowledge to all you uncivilized no-Hollywood-filming-in-your-town-folk, but all the real stuff happens when the working class are heading home. I get it. You don’t want a lot of lookey-loos while you’re all up in Chris Evans’ grill but sirs. Kind sirs. I am also trying to get all up in Chris Evans’ grill and you are being a major downer.
A few days ago, several of my co-workers – locally and nationally – were in town for a manager-advised, mandatory two-day seminar being held in the nearby Ritz-Carlton Hotel. I was getting IM’s and e-mails that Scarlet Johansen was in the next room practicing her German and was fast-walking through the halls with some huge, Hollywood-style sunglasses. You know, the kind that are so big they take up half your face. The ones that make you look like The Fly had a one night stand with a starlet and this was their lovechild. And, oh yeah, by the way, she’s really tiny in person.
Did I mention my manager didn’t advise me to attend this seminar?
Did I also mention these co-workers were angry about having to attend said seminar UNTIL THEY SAW SCARLET JOHANSEN?
WHAT. THE. FACE.
One thing I will say, as an aside. I hope Hollywood is seriously taking note of Cleveland’s hospitality. Not just the sacrifice of our streets in all the traffic we wish we had during peak hours we don’t experience. No. Take note of the fact that we are the nicest people you will ever meet EVER. Are you here filming a movie? Are you famous? I know you. Right? You have the wallet that says “Bad MotherFather”? OH! I LOVE YOU! CAN I — oh you’re… you’re eating? Is that– what you’re…? You know what? I’ll come back. No, no. You just eat. I’ll… no, you know what? Better yet? I’m going to just leave. You look hungry and I don’t… I don’t want to disturb you, Hollywood Person I Will Probably Never See Again In Life. I’m just going to go over here in this corner and be a polite Midwesterner.
You’re welcome, Hollywood.
Unless you’re Matthew Fox and then IT’S ON, SUCKAH!
Cleveland represent. Whoop-whoop!
So I’m going to have to rethink this whole bucket list item. How about I change it from Take a photo with a celebrity to Take photos of a movie set? Eh? Eeeehhh?!
We’ve gone from being New York, to being Germany! Edelweiss!
(It’s all the German I know, alright? What do you want from me.)
This sucks. What’s a girl got to do to get a photo of… What’s that? Walk around the city scantily clad? Wait, what? Develop a thick New Jersey accent and get a… spray tan? Not… like my skin in its brown stage but… what? Orange? Is that? Is that what’s hot in the streets?
Fine. I’ll do it. YES. I’M GONNA DO IT AN– You know what? I’m just going to… right over here I’m just gonna… you know, sit right here. Away from you. Like. This so you won’t… right. I’ll also turn my back to you. Right. Yes. Sorry.