Him: Booger. Are you going to show Mommy your surprise?
Her: [thinking] OH! [shows feet] *squeeeeeeee*
Me: What?! What is this madness?
Her: Daddy dood it.
Me: Daddy dood that to your toes?
Her: Yah. He dood that and he and I he, h-h-heee said he fiss my toe becoss I had a toenail and it broked and he fissed it. Den he say, he say he polish dem.
Me: [to BFam] Is this true? You polished my child’s nails?
Him: She said, “Look Daddy. My toenail is broken.” I fixed it. Then I said, “Go on and pick you out a color, girl.” Now tell me I’m not bad. Tell me Daddy ain’t the business. I can do some toes. Don’t hate.
Me: Two things: 1) You’ve been home from work entirely too long.
Him: And the other? It better not be that I can’t do nails because Daddy is the BIZ-OMB!
Me: No. The other is that you were meant to have girls. I hope you know that.